Stepping Stones

It's amazing to me sometimes how isolated choices lead to a cataclysmic change. My choice to resign from teaching in 2006 took several turns and led me to marry my husband, Matt. I wonder if I hadn't followed that opportunity then, if I would still have married Matt? Or, what if I had married Matt later than I did? Would I still have taken the SLP job at Runnymede?

When I left Harford County in 2006, there were about eight other huge stepping stones in my personal garden before I stepped on the one that led me to marry Matt. If I had stopped short and only stepped on the first three--Resignation, Grad. School, and Moving back in with my mom--and never jumped to the next one--Returning to Exit 242--I would have not been able to jump on--let alone SEE--the next step in my path--Friendship with Matt. I would have changed HIS path, too, and his family's. . . It's mind-boggling sometimes to think about!

I believe God gives us choices in life. There are several opportunities or paths we can choose to follow. But, along the way, the twists and turns we traverse lead to very different outcomes. Those seeming "coincidences" or "circumstances" become part of our new purpose or reason for being where we thought we may have stumbled.

My mom quotes Pat Goodman (the wonderful pastor who married Matt and me--he such a sweet heart!!) often as saying, "You go no place by accident." If our steps truly are each purposed for THAT time or THAT place or because of THAT reason, then we need to change our perspective. Instead of just EXISTING on our current stone, we should really be seeking God for His reason for why He wanted us there. Our existence is given purpose and turns into LIVING.

This year has been hard for me. . .in so many ways. It's easy to think sometimes that we stepped on the wrong stone by accident or maybe at the wrong time.

Take the Step of Marriage, for instance. . .I love Matt with all of my heart, but being a new wife carries its own set of challenges. I put so much initial pressure on myself to be Super Wife--flying all over the place--trying to have the perfect house, perfect meals, perfect gardens. I've fallen short in all of those quests. Matt has helped me realize how much expectation I put on myself that he or anyone else DOESN'T.

Shortly after we were married on 7-4-09, I was involved in a horrible car accident just three weeks later. God truly sent His angels to protect me. Even though I had to go through therapy to heal physically and my sweet '07 CRV was totaled, I knew God wanted me here!! Such a scary time, though!

Then, one week later after the accident, I started orientation at my new job (my next step: The Step of Runnymede). I was quickly overwhelmed as a new speech-language pathologist for a regional school in Carroll County. What's odd, is, when I first walked through the halls of what would be my new school, I knew without a shadow of a doubt--that God wanted me there for a reason. But, when the going got tough and tougher and so tough I wanted to quit, I forgot that knowledge. I forgot that God had put me on that stone--the Stone of Runnymede--for a reason. I didn't think I should be stepping on that stone anymore--it was too hard, too much--I quickly looked for the next stone on which to jump, begging God to take me off that one. It was Matt who helped me realize I needed to stay put on the stone and helped me to see some of the blessings of standing there.

I was able to take another jump months later--onto a stone called Pregnancy. I liked being on that stone!! I loved dreaming of our child--our Little Peanut. I loved hearing the heartbeat at 8 weeks 1 day. I loved shopping for the best crib and talking to my two dear friends (two of my bridesmaids) about being pregnant. On that stone I really felt like a woman. I also felt that not only was I happy there--but my happiness reached out and embraced so many others--family and friends. I was content to stay on that stone for nine months--until August 29th--when Little Peanut was due.

Then, I was forced to jump onto another stone in February. I didn't want to leave the stone of Pregnancy, but for some reason, I was asked to take the scary step onto the stone of Miscarriage. That stone was a really big one filled with sadness, confusion, crushed dreams, and so many questions. I wanted with all that was in me to jump back onto the stone of Pregnancy. I wanted to see my Little Peanut again. Why, oh why, God? On this stone, I met others who had experienced Loss, too. I cried a lot on this stone. And you know what? On this stone, I felt like some of my other stones had been a mistake--my stones of Grad. School and Runnymede. . .Why does that happen? If one thing doesn't happen how we want it, then we view other steps as mistakes?

It's been two months now since having to jump on that stone. God has led me to my next step and I'm now standing on the stone of Hope. This stone appreciates friends who care, family who prays and loves continually, and finds me accepting more than questioning.

I have realized with each step through this garden called Life, that we are not alone. I have also realized God calls us into Living and not into merely Existing. While we are on each step, it is not our job to look around and just exist until the next jump, it is our job to see why God brought us to that step.

~Julie

"The steps of the man belong to the LORD, and He delights in his way." Psalm 37:23

Photo image: www.stonemarket.co.uk